Confession from the Heart

Ignore this if you are not knowing me at the beautiful peaceful city named Kuantan
and still ignore this if you never see my tears dropping in front of you
nevertheless, crying for movie/drama doesn't count


For years, I hated someone so much until that I refused to see and hear anything about her
She was someone special to me, and it makes the thing worst
I'm not only one time found that she was backstabbing me and bitching about me
I might be the worst people ever, but I don't think I deserve that
If she thinks I am this worst and she is hating me these much, then she should just ignore me at the first time
but not pretends to be good and changes her mind all the time, then telling people she can no longer stands of me, then changes her mind again

I am enough of all these annoying actions
I was really thought she is a good friend to be with
but after I hear so much things she said about me
so much things she did on me
and so much things I found and realized

I will never, ever forgive her
even though I can no longer find a reason to hate her
after so many years I don't see her
after so many years we don't keep contact
she is no harm to me now
but I just can't make it
she is not the worst people ever I met
but she is the one not forgiven
why ?
because she meant so much to me
and I once, or more than that, treat her with all my heart
I paid so much trust on her, and disappointments never end

She might thinks I make thing looks big
maybe she never see me as someone important to her before
that's why she can forget things this soon
but I can't
I can't even accept people I love close with her
I can't even accept people I love greet with her
imagine this, you should know how much I hate her, and how much she meant to me years ago

I am sorry to my beloved friends whom I'm forcing them to be mean
but I just can't accept this
thinking the possibility they might act nice to her make me crazy
For some of them I can't do anything, because they are close with her for so long time
but for some of them who are not close with her anymore, or yet
I don't let them to be nice, even once
I must admit I am overbearing on this
but please
I really can't
until now I still can't bear with myself to allow this happens
I can't, I Can't !


Please, to my darlings and dears
forgive me for being like this
I am mean on this, and sorry for making you to be mean too
for my sake, to prevent I scream and shout for sadness
can you allowed me to be a mean friend for once?


I'm sorry to her too, but still I hate her.


If you wonder why I post this up suddenly
I just feel that I should share my thoughts with some of my darlings
in case they are not really understand about how important this thing mean to me.



Loves and Hate,
Tzeyee